He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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