I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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