Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize