Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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