Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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