when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
