I think my vagina is haunted
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
