So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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