Small penises have feelings too.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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