He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize