I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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