In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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