So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
