they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
