so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
