I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
