I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is the high leading the old right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
