You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
