If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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