Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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