pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
