AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
