I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
