It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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