capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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