What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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