Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
