Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
