Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
