; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize