super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
