Just cropdusted the office
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
