im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
