I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dignity is for republicans.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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