I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i dont even know how to be here
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
