My hair reeks of homosexuality.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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