genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
two words: eviction party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
