Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
