Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
