Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
