Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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