I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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