I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There r osticjed everywhere
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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