He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize