this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
