Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
