I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
