He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
