operation have a gay friend backfired
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
