I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
