If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
