I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
