Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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