I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
