How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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