I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
