Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
