I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
