maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
