Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
