My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize