who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
