Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
